$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
