Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
