break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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