I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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