If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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