Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
