I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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