I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
