It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize