WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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