Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
