I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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