you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This is my gift to your gina
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
