buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
