Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
