I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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