well you can't waste a boner
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
