I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
