So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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