Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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