cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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