I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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