I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
