So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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