dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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