Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
