Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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