i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
