I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
