I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm like, not good at living.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
