I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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