So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
