So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
