omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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