Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
