Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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