i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
