Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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