she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
