Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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