Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
