Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
