Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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