Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
