Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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