4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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