Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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