Kiss
Puke
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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