were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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