i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
