Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
