Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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