Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
