would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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