He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize