Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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