I'm eating all of the evidence.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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