If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
