to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize