It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
