Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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