He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize